| Location | Pontypridd |
| Age | 14 years |
| Cause of Death | Cancer |
| Date of Birth | 20/12/1994 |
| Date of Death | 20/02/2009 |
| Visitors | 1,412 since 03/05/2009 |
| Creator |
After an unbelievably brave fight against the complications of Neurofibromatosis, my wonderful
son CeeJay, died of a Malignant Peripheral Nerve Sheath Tumour on the 20th February 2009.
CeeJay was an amazingly beautiful child who had a life time of poking, prodding, pain and
disability. Somehow he found a way to keep smiling every day and live life to the full. He loved
playing with his friends, going to school and perfecting his skills on the playstation. If you have
the time, please take a moment to read the Eulogy at the beginning of the tribute section. It was
read at his funeral on my behalf and is a lovely insight into the boy I was privileged to call my
son.
CeeJay is terribly missed not only by me, his dad Lee, his elder sisters Sarah and Danielle, his
younger brother Nick, his 'baby' sister Naeve and all the other close family members who loved him
so dearly; but also by the absolutely huge number of people that he touched during his brief time
with us.
His ability to endear himself to others was perhaps most obvious when he hung on in there to see his
14th birthday in December 2008 and received over 350 birthday cards and celebratory wishes from
people all over the world.
CeeJay never knew he was dying. When the disease ran its course in the latter stages he battled
cruel pain, exhuastion and physical degeneration. Instead of bemoaning his lot he spent the time he
had each day looking for something to take pleasure in. A snatch of a TV programe late at night
just the two of us. A part of a playstation game with a friend. A tiny mouthful of a chocolate
muffin. My son, no more than a child, taught me about bravery, spirit and living every moment to
the best.
The memory of his laugh and sunny outlook on life is his legacy to all who knew him.
You've taken your laughter and ready smile to heaven my son. Fly high and sleep softly with the
angels. xxx
Birthday Cake
This birthday makes me older, but perhaps not as wise as I could be...
If flowers grow in heaven son, please pick a bunch for me...
I know you’d like some birthday cake, a chocolate dream for after tea...
I'll make your slice a big ‘un, but it's you I'd love to see...
x
Hi Son
I'm not too sure how to muddle through today... There's only one birthday wish I really have and that's to have you back home where you belong...
How do I enjoy cake and party food when you won't be there? How do I enjoy opening cards and gifts when I won't see your eyes sparkling and hear that enormous laugh? How do I not miss your "Happy birthday Mum" and the usual hug and kiss?
Since it hit the six month mark it's been a bit of a nightmare... You're a part of my history now rather than my present as the other children are... They are so wonderful and trying so hard to please - but I miss you in the head count... They say time helps but it doesn't... All time does is bring more occasions and events which do nothing other than highlight your absence...
You tried to smile to the bitter end my son... I wish I could do the same... Love you x
Morning Sweetie
Well it's been six months since you went away...
I don't know where the time has gone... It's been so busy here... I'm muddling through the days with a smile in place for most of it but it's just so darn hard... If I let the lid off the emotions I don't know if I'd be able to put it back on again... I thought I'd be starting to adjust by now but I couldn't be further away from that if I tried... If anything, the hurt just seems to be growing... I want so very much to remember the fun we had in the first 13yrs but all I can see is your struggle towards the end... You deserve so much to be remembered with love and smiles - not pain and tears... I'm just not sure how to get there my beautiful boy...
Your sister did really well in her AS exams... She passed three of the five so I'm really chuffed for her... Daddy and I took her and Sarah to the Upper Boat for lunch today - it was really nice to spend some time with the two girls and they stuffed themselves silly with lunch and some huge chocolate concoction for desert... It was a lovely carvery and made me think of the last time I had one when we were staying in Tenby... If I could go back in time I would in a heartbeat...
I start training today to do daddy's dialysis at home... I'm hoping it goes well and we get sorted quickly... It'll be so much easier for the rest of the family and cut down on the long days at the unit for daddy... I just wish I'd had a little more time before I had to stick my nursing hat on again...
I miss you so very much... It's a struggle son and one I'm not enjoying much at the moment...
Take care, fly high, be at peace and know that I love you with every fibre of my heart... xxx
Hi Son...
It's been so long - but to say chaos has ruled the roost at home is an understatement... Dad had some trouble at the new dialysis unit which made him rather ill but I think we've sorted it now... On the good side, we've been accepted for home dialysis so I start training on the 24th of this month to hook Dad up and take him off the machine... Deep joy, a whopping bit of equipment at the side of the bed...:-)
It'll make it easier though - we'll be able to work out a bit more of a routine when he's dialysing at home instead of messing about with the unit...
I'm missing you so much... If anything it all seems to be getting worse son... I'm feeling so angry and so upset and it just seems to be constantly bubbling away under the surface trying hard to get through... Not much point in throwing mugs around though or just sitting and crying for hours on end - it certainly won't bring you back or help me think of you with a smile... Perhaps it's just all been a bit too much in the last few months between your going, my op, then daddy's transplant failing... I've got my fingers crossed it'll all settle soon and I'll have chance to calm a little...
We had beautiful sunshine today son... You would have loved it... The last time we had sunshine together we had to carry you to a chair by the front door and we just watched each other in the warmth... I just wish, even for the shortest moment, I could touch you again and see your smile... Fly high my son... xxx
Hey there x
Not been by for a while but it's been a right old muddle here...
Still trying to recover from my op and then Daddy got admitted... He's been terribly ill and it appears his special kidney has definitely stopped working now... They finally discharged him the end of last week and he's now having dialysis every Monday, Wednesday and Friday... His blood tests still aren't very good but he's a lot better than he was - so fingers crossed he'll improve and toes crossed there might be the chance of another transplant in the future...
The rest of the tribe are mooching along ok although your brother seems to be getting himself into a few pickles in school... Hopefully he'll settle down a bit now over the summer holidays...
Summer holidays son... The summer was always your time... I hear the children outside playing and miss hearing your loud laugh so much... I keep waiting for it and it just doesn't come...
It's a horrible world sometimes... xxx
We wish that they could be with us
This very special day
Cause they were like a rush of sun
Before they went away
We lit this candle so that we
Might bring them here awhile
As we remember their bright flame
Their laughter and their smiles
We wish that they could share with us
The happiness we feel
Cause knowing that they knew our joy
Would make it all more real
But even though they are not with us
Their presence is still strong
Cause in their heart we'll always find
The love for which we long
ALL MY LOVE GLORIA ANTHONY'S MOM XOXO
THESE SHOES
I wear a pair of shoes
They are ugly shoes
Uncomfortable shoes
I hate my shoes
Each day I wear them and each day I wish I had another pair.
Some days my shoes hurt so bad that I do not think I can take another step
Yet, I continue to wear them
I get funny looks wearing these shoes
They are looks of sympathy.
I can tell in others eyes that they are glad they are my shoes and not their's
They never talk about my shoes
To learn how awful my shoes are might make them uncomfortable.
To truly understand these shoes you must walk in them.
But, once you put them on, you can never take them off.
I now realize I am not the only one who wears these shoes.
There are many pairs in this world.
Some women are like me and ache daily as they try and walk in them.
Some have learned how to walk in them so they don't hurt quite as much.
Some have worn the shoes so long that days will go by before they think about how much they hurt
No woman deserves to wear these shoes
They have made me who I am.
I will forever walk in the shoes of a woman who has lost a child.
MOTHER AND CHILDS BOND
The Cord
We are connected, my child and I,
by an invisible cord not seen by the eye.
It's not like the cord that connected us 'till birth,
this cord can't be seen by anyone on earth.
This cord does its work, right from the start,
it bonds us together, attached at the heart.
I know that its there though no one can see,
the invisible cord, from my child to me.
The strength of this cord, it's hard to describe.
it can't be destroyed, it can't be denied.
It's stronger than any cord, man could create,
it withstands the tests, can hold any weight.
And though you are gone, not here with me,
the cord is still there, but no one can see.
It pulls at my heart, I am bruised....I am sore,
but this cord is my lifeline, as never before.
I am thankful that God connected this way,
a mother and a child, death can't take it away!
All my Love. Have a wonderful weekend. Love Gloria Anthony's Mom xoxo
Hi Sweetie
I've not had chance to get on for a bit CeeJay...
Recovering from my surgery and lo and behold Daddy's been taken ill and at the transplant clinic they've admitted him to the ward... He's got some sort of bug which has caused his special kidney to shut down and made him pretty ill...
All a little bit too much happening in too short a time - still can't get my head around you not being here and now Daddy being so ill too...
Love and miss you so very much x
CHRISTOPHER
This day will be a celebration
of the short time you were here.
You will always be remembered
with great love and many tears.
But to only feel pain and sorrow
would not be fair to you.
Your life meant so much more to us,
more than words could say.
You were here so briefly,
I wonder if you knew
all the ways you’ve touched
our world and our hearts
and everyone who knew you
since the day God called you home.
Now my child, you’re an angel
with your heavenly Father above,
we see not only what we’ve lost
but our capacity of love.
There will always be a big void
in our life and a hole in our
hearts that will never heal.
Our souls will grieve forever.
Will we forget or stop loving you?
No! Not now…not ever.
As this day is upon us,
oh, how our hearts still hurt.
But even as I mourn your death,
we will always celebrate your birth.
It was the happiest day of our lives.
════╔══╗gone but
════║══║not forgotten
═╔══╝══╚══╗xoxoxoxo
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All my Love Gloria Anthony's Mom
Have a nice weekend xoxo
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