Christopher James Williams

You're 17 now sweetie... Where has the time gone?

It seems no time at all since I was wondering the same things and crying the same tears last year...

It's so unfair... You should have been here enjoying your birthday and I should have been able to look at you and have pride seeing you verging on adulthood - not feeling so empty and remembering the tough times of your illness...

Auntie Juliette and Ryan came up for the day... We took them up the stables then we all had a late lunch at the Upper Boat...

I'm still trying to get a grip on my emotions... Still trying to be grateful for the 14 years... Still failing dismally... I'd do anything just to sense that connection with you that we had before you went... It was there before you were born but it severed instantly the second you died... Where are you now? What are you now? Can you feel happiness? Or are you just gone? Will I ever be able to see or feel you again?

You left an empty space in my heart my son and it hurts so dreadfully...

I try and think there is an essence of you somewhere... Dancing through the stars, twisting in the wind, and smiling that amazing smile...

I just want you back... x

Ann-Marie Hopkins (Mum)

December 22, 2011

LOTS OF LOVE CHRISTOPHER

┴┬┴┬／￣＼＿／￣＼
┬┴┬┴▏　　▏▔▔▔▔＼
┴┬┴／＼　／　　　　　　﹨
┬┴∕　　　　　　　／　　　）
┴┬▏　　　　　　　　●　　▏
┬┴▏　　　　　　　　　　　▔█◤
┴◢██◣　　　　　　 ＼＿＿／
┬█████◣　　　　　　／　　　　
┴█████████████ ◣
◢██████████████▆▄
█◤◢██ ◣◥█████████ ◤＼
◥◢ ████　████████◤　　 ＼
┴█████　██████◤　　　　　 ﹨
┬│　　　│█████ ◤　　　　　　　　▏
┴│　　　│　　　　　　　　　　　　　　▏
┬∕　　　∕　　　　／▔▔▔＼　　　　 ∕
*∕＿＿_／﹨　　　∕　　　　　 ＼　　／＼
┬┴┬┴┬┴＼ 　　 ＼_　　　　　﹨／　　﹨
┴┬┴┬┴┬┴ ＼＿＿＿＼　　　　 ﹨／▔＼﹨／▔＼

Theresa Tutt

November 25, 2011

Hi Sweetie

I still miss you so very much son... Dang, I keep thinking that the "time heals everything" line will kick in at some point but it doesn't... Not really...

In all fairness, it's not been a total write off of a year... Not like the last two where I can't remember a thing that went on... Nick and Naeve have had a lovely summer spending time with the horses - both riding and the less savoury mucking out... But they were outdoors and having physical fun... They rolled their way back into school and I've bitten the bullet and started university myself... Dad's keeping himself busy at the yard... In a lot of ways it's all go and in truth I'm enjoying the degree so far... In other ways it's still rather superficial and I kinda feel like I'm going through the motions of doing something every day just to get through them... I dunno, it's all still a bit messy I guess and emotionally I'm still a train wreck and get all blubby over the slightest thing...

I had to have my young horse put to sleep because of gut torsion... I guess she was sent in some way to do a job - get me out of the house and start doing things with Daddy and the kids as a family again... She did that and so much more - then she had to leave... We had her for a total of five months and it was just so heartbreaking after she'd battled herself back to fitness after a rotten injury... Maybe she's where ever you are now son... It hit daddy so hard and Naeve too bless her... I bought him a 6mth old foal that he is totally besotted with now... Little Loke has helped fill the space Fleur left...

There's nothing that fills the space you left though my sweet... It's that time of year again when everything started to get that little bit tougher every day... I don't know, maybe one day I'll get to a November and not have horrible memories demanding attention - I hate the thought of being overwhelmed by them for the next few months again... It won't be long now and it'll be your 17th... Then Christmas... Then the time you left... I look at the calender and can pretty much remember everything about that day three years ago... "Today he had to have the NG tube"... "Tomorrow I had to start injecting him with drugs" and so on... Only Christmas Eve really stands out as a time that you and I shared some wonderfully beautiful moments in those last, horrible, three months...

If I could turn the clock back, I'd do it in a heart beat... Just to have some time with you again... Then I feel so guilty knowing how cruel a time it was...

Easy answers my son... There certainly are no easy answers...

All my love... Mum x

Ann-Marie Hopkins (Mum)

November 7, 2011

—–-—▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒
—–-▒███████████▒
—▒████▒▒▒▒▒▒▒███▒
-▒████▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒███▒……………….▒▒▒▒▒▒
-▒███▒▒▒▒▒███▒▒▒███▒…………..▒██████▒
-▒███▒▒▒▒██████▒▒███▒……….▒██▒▒▒▒██▒
—▒███▒▒▒███████▒▒██▒…….▒███▒▒█▒▒██▒
—–▒███▒▒████████▒██▒…▒███▒▒███▒▒██▒
——–▒██▒▒██████████▒▒███▒▒████▒▒██▒
———▒██▒▒██████████████▒████▒▒██▒
———-▒██▒▒█████████████████▒▒██▒
————▒██▒▒██████████████▒▒██▒
————–▒██▒▒████████████▒▒██▒
—————-▒██▒▒██████████▒▒██▒
—————–▒██▒▒████████▒▒██▒
——————-▒██▒▒██████▒▒██▒
———————▒██▒▒████▒▒██▒
———————-▒██▒▒███▒▒█▒
————————▒██▒▒█▒▒█▒
————————-▒██▒▒▒█▒
—————————▒██▒█▒
—————————♥♥♥♥♥♥
—————————-♥♥♥♥♥
——————————♥♥♥
—————————-—♥♥
———————————♥

from the heart x

Sue Dietschmann

September 3, 2011

Hiya Son

I've been off for a little while...but I think I need to keep taking breathers or I'll succumb to writing constantly and tearing my hair out that there's no replies... It was your brother's birthday today... His 14... Wow, what a kicker that was... I was so please for him and wanted him to have a great day - and I think he did really... He's growing up so fast now.... At the same time all I could think of was that feeling of wondering if you'd make it to your 14th... And once you did whether you'd make it to Christmas... And not long after that wishing your time would end as it was just so terrible a phase that you had to go through... Nick turning 14 when you weren't long past 14 just doesn't seem to reconcile in my brain very well... I'm so proud of him - yet your not being here seems so wrong in a way I can't describe... You'd be 16 now but to me you're still my 14yr old son... I don't know, I know I'm waffling a bit and probably making no sense - but it hit me so hard today...

It's been a busy time here though... I gave myself a kick up the backside and vowed this year I'd start to live a little again... My new 'project' is a yearling horse... A little girl that's such a sweetie... She gives me a little nudge in having to get out of the house twice a day to care for her and that means mixing with the others at the yard and taking Nick and Naeve to the pony club events that they go to on our loan pony Cherry... They are so enjoying it all and I do wonder how you'd have felt about it... Not really sure it would have been your thing but I think you'd have wanted to stick your oar into it all a little bit...:-)

Anyway son... You've been on my mind a lot lately... Mostly in an 'easy' way but sometimes it's been pretty tough... Give your brother some birthday wishes and of course, drop by the girls to give them a kiss... Take care my lovely and come see me in a dream some time... Love always, Mum x

Ann-Marie Hopkins (Mum)

July 3, 2011

BIG HUGS CHISTOPHER

BIG HUGS

ღ .* ღ ღ* ღ . ♥ * . ♥ * . * ღ .* ღ ღ* ღ . ♥ * . ♥ * . * ღ .* ღ ღ* ღ .

♥ * . ♥ * .
⋱♰⋰ Angel Day ⋱♰⋰

⋱♰⋰ Your Angel Day in Heaven ⋱♰⋰

⋱♰⋰ Many tears will fall for you ⋱♰⋰

⋱♰⋰ You touched so many loving hearts ⋱♰⋰

⋱♰⋰ There’s so many missing you ⋱♰⋰

⋱♰⋰ As you now live in paradise ⋱♰⋰

⋱♰⋰ Its Heaven up above stay ⋱♰⋰

⋱♰⋰ Close to all your loved ⋱♰⋰

⋱♰⋰ ones For it’s you they ⋱♰⋰

⋱♰⋰ miss and love ⋱♰⋰
.
ღ .* ღ ღ* ღ . ♥ * . ♥ * . * ღ .* ღ ღ* ღ . ♥ * . ♥ * . * ღ .* ღ ღ* ღ .

⋱♰⋰ bigs hugs from me to you and your ⋱♰⋰

⋱♰⋰ family and friends that you miss you ever day ⋱♰⋰

⋱♰⋰ but in our hearts forever you will not be ⋱♰⋰

⋱♰⋰ forgoten you take care love from me ⋱♰⋰

⋱♰⋰ Sylvie mommy of Samantha Belanger ⋱♰⋰

⋱♰⋰ and Granddaughter of Albert and ⋱♰⋰

⋱♰⋰ Marie-Jeanne Belanger take care ⋱♰⋰

⋱♰⋰ hugs and XXXX bye for now good ⋱♰⋰

⋱♰⋰ night ⋱♰⋰

♥ * . ♥ * .
ღ .* ღ ღ* ღ . ♥ * . ♥ * . * ღ .* ღ ღ* ღ . ♥ * . ♥ * . * ღ .* ღ ღ* ღ .
♥ * . ♥ * .
....Goodnight and God Bless..........
☆....☆....☆....☆....☆....☆....☆....☆....☆....☆
....☆....☆....☆....☆....☆....☆....☆....☆....☆

.....................-=====-
...................... _......._
................... .~...........`~.
......۱..,_..... / ...................`,
... ,_۱..'-.., ۱......... _.'`~.~./
......۱'-.-,._...`{._,}........ -.(
......... '....`-.`۱..-.-,.___.. - '_
.......... '._`../........... |_ _.{@}
............... / ...........`.|-.......Y
.............. / .......۱..... /........|/
............ / ...........'-...-;..._
............_۱ ................ ..`,۱.
......... /... |`-.....___........

☆....☆....☆....☆....☆....☆
Sleep Tight......X X
☆....☆....☆....☆....☆....☆
ღ .* ღ ღ* ღ . ♥ * . ♥ * . * ღ .* ღ ღ* ღ . ♥ * . ♥ * . * ღ .* ღ ღ* ღ

Sylvie Belanger

February 20, 2011

╔╦╗╔═╔╗╔╗║║ ' ' ' ' ' ╔ ║║╔╗╦ ╔╗ ╦ ╔╦╗╔╗╔╗
║║║╠═╠╝╠╝╚╣ ' ' ' ' ' ║ ╠╣╠╝║ ╚╗ ║ ║║║╠╣╚╗
║║║╚═╠╗╠╗╚╝ ' ' ' ' ' ╚ ║║╠╗╩ ╚╝ ║ ║║║║║╚╝

Little Children

December 23, 2010

Hey Son... Well it's been a while... I needed to take a bit of a break and try and make some sense out of life as it is now... Semi successfully I have to say and not without some drastic falls along the way...

I still miss you so very much and that sense is getting bigger and bigger as your birthday and Christmas approaches... Your 16th... It's strange - to me you're still the lad who turned 14 by the skin of your teeth... Do you stay 14, or age and are now a 16 I can't imagine? Do you just 'be' as a spirit of no age, or are you completely gone? I wish there was some residue off faith left to take some comfort in - but that went flying out the window when you had to suffer so terribly badly for so long... We're going out for lunch on your birthday... The whole clan and Nanny, Auntie Juliette and Ryan... Maybe Auntie Carol and even Matt too... When we come home we'll trim up... Decorating would be fun and it looks lovely - but I need to keep the tradition of your birthday first... We'll just bring it forward a bit to the late afternoon rather than late at night...

Your second birthday away from us... Planning for it I thought (even hoped) it would be easier this time... But it's no different really... I cry a little less but I don't know if it's because I'm getting some shape about me or because I'm better at hiding it... Life's very odd now... It's there and the days pass - but the depths of appreciation have gone... I think what we had to go through on your final journey was just so unfair that it's taken a little something out of me that just won't come back... Mother Nature, God, whoever - boy, they sure have a malevolent side that just ran riot with you... Too many memories and experiences that were fundamentally wrong in the jigsaw of life... I thought I'd dream of you son or feel a sense of you somewhere - but nothing since that second your heart finally stopped...

The kids talk of you... Nick misses you oodles... Danielle too... She's courting now - a really nice chap... It's funny - he's quite fit for her and doesn't let her get away with being too much of a drama queen... Naeve bless her - she misses you too and talks of you regularly... She's a little ray of sunshine... Kiss them goodnight if you can...

Anyway my love... I'll keep writing all night if I don't leave it there for now... I'm thinking of you and missing you so very much - and this time of year is just so damn hard...

Where ever you are... Be happy, be pain free...and be smiling that wonderful smile...

Mum x

Ann-Marie Hopkins (Mum)

December 13, 2010

HEAVEN XXXXX

HEAVEN IS SUCH A BEAUTIFUL PLACE WHERE WE PLAY
IT IS WHERE WE ALL BE TOGETHER ONE DAY
YOU WILL HEAR THE CHOIR OF ANGELS SING
SO MUCH HAPPINESS THEY WILL ALWAYS BRING

HEAVEN IS WHERE WE ALWAYS FLY SO FREE
ONE DAY YOU WILL JOIN US AND YOU CAN SEE
THAT WE CAN WATCH DOWN AND SMILE WITH LOVE
HEAVEN IS A PLACE SO FAR AWAY UP ABOVE

BOYOND THE MOON STARS AND SKY SO BLUE
HEAVEN IS WHERE WE CAN BLOW KISSES TO YOU
WHERE THE SUN SHINES FOREVER AND A DAY
HEAVEN IS THE PLACE WHERE DREAMS COME TRUE
IT IS REALLY BEAUTIFUL AND I WILL BE WAITING FOR YOU...
copyright� Ros Roberts

Little Children

October 23, 2010

I Measure Every Grief...
by Emily Dickinson

I measure every grief I meet
With analytic eyes;
I wonder if it weighs like mine,
Or has an easier size.

I wonder if they bore it long,
Or did it just begin?
I could not tell the date of mine,
It feels so old a pain.

I wonder if it hurts to live,
And if they have to try,
And whether, could they choose between,
They would not rather die.

I wonder if when years have piled--
Some thousands--on the cause
Of early hurt, if such a lapse
Could give them any pause;

Or would they go on aching still
Through centuries above,
Enlightened to a larger pain
By contrast with the love.

The grieved are many, I am told;
The reason deeper lies,--
Death is but one and comes but once
And only nails the eyes.

There's grief of want, and grief of cold,--
A sort they call 'despair,'
There's banishment from native eyes,
In sight of native air.

And though I may not guess the kind
Correctly yet to me
A piercing comfort it affords
In passing Calvary,

To note the fashions of the cross
Of those that stand alone
Still fascinated to presume
That some are like my own.

GOD BLESS YOU AND YOUR FAMILY. SENDING ALL MY LOVE GLORIA XOXO

Gloria Anthony'S Mom (Friend)

July 28, 2010